TwistedJoker's Blog

Trip to the Witch's Grave

2011-10-30T14:45:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week, I went to see the movie Paranormal Activity 3, with a neighbor that just moved here. Afterwards we decided to head to search for this sort of urban legend I had always heard about, somewhere near was a witches grave. Thru the magic of the intertubez, I found the location, yep...Googled it and got the wrong information.
Supposedly in the 1800's sometime, the good folks burned this chick at the stake, before she died she said she would haunt the towns people. They buried her in the cemetary and put metal posts on the corners of the grave and put chain from post to post and there is a headstone that is about 3 1/2 ft tall it supposedly used to warn of the dangers of witchcraft ( its really weather beaten now and mostly smooth). They buried her and then a few days later they noticed that the chains were broken, they fixed the chain and in a few days, it was broken again, and they repaired it again.
A few days later, broken and they just decided to not mess with it any more. So they remain broken still just hanging there.

Picture borrowed from the internet - thanks internet.

So after wandering around in the dark in a cemetary lookin for "the northwest corner" (thanks jackasses who wrote those articles, I know directions, and your "northwest corner" is just dark and spooky, and there isnt even a grave there. "Near the road in the middle by the trees....were there isnt a tree and you can see it from the road." or North, north west directionally). A side from the incorrectly identifying the highway it is off of, which is highway 34 not highway 30 - Hwy 30 is actually alot further north near Central City.

correct map of how to get to the witches grave

Finally, after stumbling around in the cemetery right up near the treeline, there it was. Just like in the picture only smaller, the posts are pretty much just the same size as a plot like you would imagine. No idea why I thought it was going to be big like shrine but that is kinda what I had thought.
After looking at the chains, and taking in the whole scene, I noticed that the grave marker had a dip right in the dead center of a flat top which was completely flat otherwise. I had something in my pocket that was exactly the same size- a glass pipe that I have had 11 yrs, for smoking this relaxing legal herbal blend. I took out the pipe and put it in the hole not only did it fit perfectly, it looked like a great place to fill up the bowl of the pipe.

pipe on the witches grave

So I filled it and walked around to the open side of the chains on the north and stood on the grave to smoke. It was more of a 'screw you I don't believe in this hokus pokus bullshit' than disrespect for the dead. But that was it, finished smoking and we left.

We then drove to this park to drink some more, (somewhere before the movie and during the movie was the first drinking) & look at the stars. So we walked to this picnic table and I set my pipe in the middle of the table and was explaining like the few constellations I know about and can find ...Orion, the Big and Little Dippers. It was a very still night, calm and cool but no windI looked down at the pipe on the table, which was entirely level. My pipe had not moved at all, and all of a sudden it started rolling toward the edge on my side of this picnic table and I just stood there and watched it roll 18 inches or so across the table from the center, toward me, and off the edge and right on the brace that holds up the bench part of the table up...breaking it.My pipe the witch broke

Bar Golf 2.0 - My Weekend in Houston 3.0

2008-12-18T05:10:00.001-08:00

Bar Golf 2.0 Logo

First off ,I would like to thank the 1560 Secret Society, for starting
and contributing to the "Get TwistedJoker to Bar Golf" fund and
hooking up a round trip ticket. It was a great time - what follows is my experience - my trip the way I saw it, details left out to protect the innocent, the anonymous, and the others involved.

Thursday,December 11th
Woke up @ 7:30, packed, rode 2 hrs to Omaha to catch a flight to
Chicago to catch my connecting flight to Houston. Uneventful trip, to
Chicago then as I was flying out of Chicago I noticed a White Castle
right outside the airport - I will remember that for later.
Landed in Houston, met up with my ride- pretty much laid low the
rest of the evening.

Friday,December 12th
Woke up and left to go to Nicks Place for the Nickstravaganza - the live broadcast of John and Lance. Since everyone I know in Houston is usually at work, and I don't like to rely on rides to places, I was using the bus (I'm pretty familiar with it from living there and riding it to work). I was as far as the Galleria, and called to find out if the broadcast was actually going to be live today and got hung up on, so I called someone I knew to see if it "sounded" like they were live somewhere other than the studio. They said "it sounds pretty quiet, no background noise". So i walked around the Galleria, and went back to where I was staying.
Got back there and started listening to the end of the show, when
I realized they were live @ Nick's - so back out on the bus heading
to Nicks. Got there long after the show was done, but Hoffy and Nuno were there doing their show. Met WWE wrestlers MVP and WWE Womens Champion Mickie James. As well as Milly from the 1560
chat then a little bit later, Sportchic45 came and we hung out for a bit.
I was waiting for Doughnuts to show up, and he showed up right as I was leaving to meet someone else over near where I was staying. Nothing real else happened.

Saturday, December 13th BAR GOLF DAY!!!!!
Met everyone @ Buffalo Wild Wings in Rice Village for the tee off of Bar Golf 2.0 - The Drunkening and the Secret Society Toy Drive in Ethan's Memory.

Bar Golf - 2.0 The Drunkening Course
The course was set and I was determined to represent to the fullest and beat my score of a very casual +8.

My Bar Golf gear explained. Last time, Bar Golf 1, I wore checkered shorts, BLUE SOCCER SOCKS (not fucking leggings or tights or whatever the popular myth is) and my Knicks colored Starburys,blue, black and orange -AKA "my Bar Golf Shoes" - I left them in Houston last time, and then forgot to take em for when I packed to fly back from the Mug Awards.

Anyway, I decided, blue soccer socks, and my Bar Golf shoes, are a perfect start to some highly obnoxious golf gear - I needed to add to it- I had bought a pair of Sean Jean shorts of ebay, brand new for $50 off retail, $25.00, got them cut down to some "knicker style" shorts. Since it was the holiday season, I got a candy cane striped "Cat in the Hat" hat and "holidayed" it up with some blue xmas balls,and rocked the "guyliner" for the BLCS and the glowstick - for the Glowstick Library, and the Mardi Gras beads from SportsGirl.
We decided that the group,Will, Machine, Tom and TwistedJoker - would take turns buying the rounds. Autra was the caddy/scorekeeper.

The following to the best of my knowledge what I had to drink and anything eventful at each location:
-Hole 1: Buffalo Wild Wings - Par 4

My Bar Golf Foursome teeing off

1 Bud Light 1 Kamikaze
My score = par

-Hole 2: Kelvin Arms - Par 4
This was my hole to buy the round - for some reason the bartender

fucked around for like 15 minutes, (leaving only 15 to consume)

before serving me.

1 Bud Light - 1 Kamikaze
My score = par

-Hole 3: Benjy's - Par 5

Part of the 60 person Bar Golf 2.0 Crew in Benjy's
This place is hilarious, not so much the place, more the people and their reactions. This is a probably normal lounge area when bar golf is not in session. Something, about the crowds don't mix well. This time there was only one Benjy's patron that thought it might be good idea to voice what the majority were thinking and quickly realized, "all those people in black shirts - they're all together".

The Chach and his couch

1 Bud Light - 1 Kamikaze
My score = par

-Hole 4: Ginger Man - Par 3

Pretty sure this was a beer only hole.
After the long walk, and a magic heater, this hole is a little foggy.
I think this was the the place that was out of Bud Light, or something.The effects of the alcohol and the heater, kicked my ass.

2 Miller Lites (fuckin hate Miller Lite)
Still on Par for the course

-Hole 5: Brian O'Neill's - Par 4

This used to be my 2nd favorite spot in Rice Village.
Don't exactly remember why I quit going over there, anyway.
I was pretty much out it by this hole. I believe this is where I was with Op Shutdown and Tony I Am A Texan, when they met after all the fucking with each other in the sports chat.

Choked down 2 beers, I think.
I was still on par- up until this time

-Hole 6: Little Woodrow's - Par 3

This is the arrival at Little Woodrows Hole 6
That's me stumbling into the street in the video and then say "How can I end up in the street on

the video"..then 'OH FUCK YEAH!!UFC IS ON!!!

Pretzel and TwistedJoker - Hole 6 Video Interview
bought the round - drank 1/2 glass of water I don't remember a lot of this hole thankfully there is video and photographic evidence.

Just lose it

Me and my puddle

Me and RSilva

1/2 cup of ice water
my score = Disqualified
Puking = Disqualified

-Hole 7: Two Rows - Par 4
MIA
During this hole I went back to Buffalo Wild Wings for an order of wings.

-Hole 8: Baker Street - Par 4
MIA

-Hole 9: Buffalo Wild Wings - Par 4
Since I was already out,and had previously made a trip to Buffalo Wild Wings and had a bag of take out, I ate my wings while hole 9 was going on.
After hole 9 completed, it was tied Big K and Crawfeeeeeeeeeeeeesh both @ -16... incredible. So it was determined that this battle must be decided by road side gymnastics- presided over by Will - Bar Golf Commish and Seanie the Cablinasian - Bar Golf Godfather. Will is the bearded dude yelling shut the fuck up, and Sean is the balder guy officiating (for those reading , that know me, and not the secret society)

Video Footage of the Bar Golf 2.0 tie breaker and jacket ceremony

Sunday, December 14th - Guest on Thunder Rd Show

Woke up early, to go on a mission for blue doughnuts -I'll explain.
The 2 guys that host The Thunder Road Show - Jeff Blue and Doug Johnson are in the 1560 chat room, and for some reason DOUGNKATY looks to me at a glance like DOUGHNUTS which is now Doug's screen name. Blue's screen name was Ya Boy Blue,and since I have been suggesting a show name change
to the Blue Doughnuts Racing show - I thought I would bring blue doughnuts along with the St. Arnolds Elissa IPA. Blue doughnuts weren't too easy to find, so I settled for kolaches from The KolacheFactory which is right up the street from the studio.

Met Doug at the studio to go up and be a guest on the show. I know nothing about motorsports, I mean if its on I will watch. I made the original mix of the show intro and was also there in the beginning of the discussion of making the show,
and I have the original demo for the first show, they did the 20 minute un-aired show.

Me in studio behind a mic, actually participating in the show

Below are the mp3s to the Thunder Road Show (four parts - mostly covering Bar Golf.)

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

Spend the afternoon messing around the Galleria, watching people
scramble for last second gifts.

Monday, December 15th
Quiet day, shitty weather only 2 things I had planned were more
things I wanted to do: go to the dog bakery and get some dog biscuits
for the puppies 1st birthday and check out open mic night at The
Laff Stop - something I have wanted to go listen to for a while
and never have.

Due to the bad weather, I laid low most of the day, then we got
ready to go out to eat at Los Tios.

We got to the restaurant, I was with a couple, the chick asked the
hostess if we could get a window seat, which were booths right
along the front of the parking lot. Those booths were full and she
seated us in the middle of the restaurant, near the back of to the
side of the kitchen.

The food was pretty boring and bland considering all the places
in Houston with great Mexican food, this wasn't one of them.

I was just barely finished, when there was a load rumbling, sounded
like thunder followed by screams. This all happened behind me -
I turned around in time to see a FedEx/Kinkos in the restaurant,
right where a booth had been. Some old guy got disoriented and
wrecked 4 cars backing and pulling forward before shooting that
van thru the wall.

FedEx -Thank You, please drive thru

The Van Where the Booth Was

Photo From Where I Sat

Those 3 pictures pretty much show the damage and the degree to which the van was pushed into the restaurant.

Nothing else really happened - like that wasn't enough.

Tuesday, December 16th - Flying Out
Got to the airport around 8:30 am for a 9:05 flight, with no tickets or boarding pass, since I forgot to print them out - another thing I had planned for yesterday. Got everything squared away nicely, no hassles at all. Got on my flight last, cause at the last minute I wanted to grab a Houston Chronicle in case there was an article about Los Tios. Got on the flight, took off headed to Chicago. Scheduled to land sometime around 11 am I think.
We landed and I had about an hr and half layover. It was snowing lightly, but I was on, oddly enough, being in Chicago,(Blues Brothers reference) a mission from God or something. As I was headed out of the airport terminal area, there was Jake and Elwood Blues in the airport tearing it up silently, in fiberglass statue form - I took that as a good sign for my mission. A little further down, there they were again, chillin' on a bench, hmmm this must be destiny. Went past TSA and asked the first airport worker I saw, how to I get to 63rd and Ciscero and they pointed which street was Ciscero someone suggested I take the 63 Ciscero bus.

Once I got outside, I went to the left, without realizing there was no way to get straight out and across to Ciscero, and then which way, is right the lower numbers or higher, which way is 63rd. So as I made my way to the out of the parking lot to Ciscero ramp, I see the 63 Ciscero bus - pay $2 and get dropped off moments later at the MOTHERFUCKIN' WHITE CASTLE

Got a Crave Case -30 burgers, and had the lady pack them in 3
carryout bags then straight into my backpack.
Took off back for the airport. Went thru TSA and on my flight back
to Omaha.

I met this pretty cool chick at the airport waiting to board the flight,
she was a med student at Brown, headed home for the holidays.
I didn't get her name or any of that.

On the plane I had an aisle seat,
by an off duty airline worker and some kid. Tried to sleep on the plane.

After about an hour, the pilot came on the PA and said we might be
landing in Kansas City since there was no deicer in Omaha and the
Customer Service reps would be meeting with us.
A little later the pilot comes on and says, we are about 30
minutes from landing in KC.

Then a few minutes later comes back on the PA yet again to let
us know, they found deicer & we are now 30 minutes outside Omaha.
Finally, we land, and we get stuck in traffic, and cant get across Omaha - finally after rush hour, we get out of Omaha and home, around 8:30 that night, perfect, I could have driven from Houston to where I live and made the same amount of time as flying.

Random Bar Golf Pics:

Rhino, Me, Migs, and Sportschic45

Me and some random chick - I continued that trend from Bar Golf 1
(no idea why I am smoking a "magic heater" next to some stranger)

PS - I'm still searching for a MerMex.

1560 Bar Golf and My Weekend in Houston

2008-06-19T10:56:00.000-07:00

Since I moved to Nebraska- I havent been keeping up with this blog, so I figured I would at least recap my weekend to the best of my knowledge leaving some details out.

THURSDAY 6-12
Left for a journey a couple hrs to Omaha to catch my flight to Houston thru St Louis, (didnt even know that St. Louis was on my plans). Had 2 gin and tonics on the flight to St Louis, thanks to rt57 from the 1560 chat. The plan emptied and only 4 people stayed on. They reloaded, and we were on our way to Houston. 2 vodka drinks ( 1 cape cod and 1 fucked up bloody mary).

Landed in Houston. Got a call that I had 2 rides, so I cancelled one of my rides. Then a call from Raheel, telling me that the tattoo was going to be done on Mondays show not Friday - leaving Friday free. Forgot how fuckin' hot it was in Houston, until I was waiting on my ride under the covered parking.

Went and got some Jack In The Box on the way to where I was staying. Got ahold of KJ, pulled all my tattoo, equipment out of my luggage- got a note the TSA searched my bags- can only imagine what all the tattoo needles, metal coils and power supply looked like in Xray.

Went to KJs house, for the end of the Celtics - Lakers game. Got my gear set up, waited for the end of the game, and was ready to start KJs tattoo. Sean was there doing play by play or something in the chat.

(KJ's CRC in horseshoes tattoo)

Finished it up and hung out for a bit, until everyone had either left or was sure there was no more tattoos to do, got a ride back to the hood.

FRIDAY THE 13TH
Woke up when the friends I was staying with started their day. Decided that since I only did 1 tattoo, and was planning on doing more, and kinda had been thinking about doing another one.

I had the dude at the place I was at help me- I needed someone to stretch the skin on my finger, while I inked a curly mustache on the inside of my left index finger - now I'm ready to throw on a cape and top hat and tie chicks to train tracks.

Went to the mall grabbed a bite to eat and headed to The B.U.S. A friend of mines sister works there. Watched the Sean and John live show. Had several beers, and start getting a pretty nice buzz, but not really that drunk. Ran into my buddy "Chevy".....

Chevy offered to give me a ride to Midtown, but first..... There is always a but first, with Chevy. This time it involved going up in the Republican convention to get some Mc Cain buttons to sell on eBay. The part of the George R Brown Center we were at is clear on the other end from the entrance, but there are doors all along the walls. Being all hot and not wanting to walk, I tried a door - it opened and we went in. We saw a security guard, and she said that maybe the 2nd floor was were we needed to be. up the escalators the 2nd floor security tells us , you have to go to the 3rd floor- so up another fn escalator. we get up there and there is this huge banquet set up with chaffing dishes and penguins to serve the people. Chevy says "Hey lets get a plate."

That is when I see the signs " creditials only ", " na dude look we dont have the correct papers".

Right then, the chick with all kinds of colored construction paper hanging around her neck and a clipboard, asks for our creditials, and tells us to leave.

So on the way out, 2 HPD cops start down the escalator after us, and stop us, to ask for creditials. Chevy says " dude I think I threw my papers away, what about you? you still got yours?" "Na dude, I got no papers, just a mustache" as I busted out the finger stache. Police were not amused.

Planned to meet some former coworkers and friends @ PubFiction in Midtown, after some pretty hit or miss service, we left to go to Christians Tailgate for a burger and some more beers.

waited for this chick I used to work with to get there, watched bad karoke. The chick we waited for got there, and we talked for a little while. Then I took off to go back to the place I was staying.

SATURDAY 6-14
Only thing planned was hanging out at the Astros pregame and BAR GOLF. Went and hung out at The B.U.S. again watching the radio show in progress, talked to Raheel about his tattoo.

Got busted on for my Bar Golf gear. Time was cutting close to 6pm, tee time.

Me on the Left KmfG on the right.
The Innaugural Secret Society Bar Golf Tournament. 9 bars ( holes) 30 minutes at each hole.
Will organized one hell of an event- I volunteered to design a logo for the event.

Scoring is as follows:
No drinks = +2
One beer = +1
Par (0) = 1 beer & 1 shot
Birdie ( -1) =2 beers & 1 shot
Eagle (-2) = 2 beers and 2 shots.

Bar Golf was a great time, a little drunk - ok alot drunk. Took some drunken camera videos, met a gang of cool ass people, proud to have been part of the Gingerman take over, singing the Hoffy Burger jingle 50+ people strong.

Here are some of said drunken camera phone videos
Hole One -initial tee off, shot of Patron for SportsGirl KmfG video

Hole 8 - "Some god damn where" KJ way more sober than I was.

Hole 9

There is controversey over who won the bar golf round, some say the winner, had a
reversal possibly, didnt drink everything he said, (-13 from that I heard) didnt seem
to be as drunk as someone that had just had at least 16 beers and 13 shots. I dont know, I was far beyond giving a fuck. it was a killer time. would do it again.
But here is a video of the guy with the winners jacket.

Best highlight of the night - seeing the 2 people making out after being pissed off at us and leaving, seeing them get cat calls, claps and woooooooes,the guy giving us the thumbs up to the balcony, then having one of our group (I want to meet the man responsible) yell "stick it in her ass" - they instantly got in their cars and left.

Called in the BLCS from outside the Bar Golf after party,

again on the ride home with Will, singing the Hoffy Burger commercial on the air.

SUNDAY 6-15
Recoup day, nothing happened.

MONDAY 6-16
Got up and packed up my tattoo gear, to head to the studio of 1560 to do the tattoo on Raheel on the Ken Hoffman show. Worked on the stencil while I watched Frankie the Bull do the recap show. I got to pick 2 songs as well as talk a few times. Went in did the tattoo on Hoffys show, and finished it up on Sean and Johns show.

Raheels reflection image Rs, his initials as well as his moms.
Went back in the production office, and did a finger stache on Frank.

Then left to go back to the place where I was staying. Hung out talking and stuff until 5 am, figured 1 hr of sleep would be cool, should make it easy for me to fly.

TUESDAY 6-17
Got up and went pretty much straight to the airport, checked in and got ready to leave. Got on the flight everything was cool. Sat next to some lady traveling with 2 kids. Pretty much good flight minimal thoughts of dropping out of the sky until we hit Chicago, the plane was pretty jerky in the descent like we were falling off a set of stairs one at a time. Thankfully, I had a layover, and just needed to get outside to smoke. Ended up out by the train pick up, puking in 2 different trash cans, thanx prick who was piloting Flight 1076 To Chicago Midway. Grabbed a couple Mickey D's cheesburgers and got on my flight to Omaha, a little anxious I still might puke. Sat next to a lady and her daughter that were moving from Indiannapolis to Omaha, cause the husband was relocating, they both hated flying so didn't mind I didn't want to watch us go up or land. I knew that would be the end.
Once we were up high enough I did look out and see some of the devastation in Iowa and wow, it was crazy. I would clearly see the define rivers and streams yet could also see how far out of the banks it all was. Pretty crazy.
Landed in Omaha, got picked up at the airport, slept the 2nd half of the ride in the car.

2008 SpoDA -Best Takes

2008-02-28T21:38:00.001-08:00

(not official award pictured)

CLICK THE BOTTOM NEON GREEN ^^^TO LISTEN TO MY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH

The SpoDA: What is it?

On February 23rd or there about it was revealed that Gametime, the 1560 The Game AM weekend show, would be awarding its own award in honor of Sunday, the 24th being the Oscars. The award was yet to be named, although there were several ideas being knocked around. This is what became the Spotted Dick Award. SpoDA is the shortened version of The Spotted Dick Award unofficially, it was way easier to call my mom and tell her about it, than tell her I got a spotted dick.

My Thanks for my acceptance speech:

Special thanks to: David Nuno - for emailing me the mp3 of my call to accept my SpoDA; Miss South Carolina - A true US American, T.O. - I am sure I now am part of the group that owes him royalties, he has " 25 million reasons to live" and I don't "even gots a busket" but I too "love me some me" so screw him - sue me, Nicks Place - Just for being down with 1560 The Game since the beginning and I bit their commercial with no apologies; 1560.tv - for providing an outlet and immediate response tool to interact with other listeners and the hosts of the shows, Interactive sports talk not a chatroom, so keep your gay ass smileys out. please. My Sponsors and People that made this all possible - you know who you are and that should count for something.

David Nuno^ TwistedJoker^ Fred Faour^

I missed the rest of the show, to make a journey to the station. It was a good time,
hung out, and drank a couple St Arnolds Alissa IPAs (good brew if your have never had it). Chatted for a little bit, threw up a Shocker (unofficial gang sign of 1560.tv: also making a guest appearance in my right hand in the above photo) it was very cool, much thanx to Nuno, Faour, and Dell (hope I spelled that correctly) -TwistedJoker